And even if putting aside all these “buts,” deleting them for a minute at the wave of a magic wand, then there will be one more, undeletable “but,” which is the head of the Eye, Nose, and Throat Department—Doctor Mark Baron. It’s silly to call him Jenn’s boyfriend, considering his respectable age—63! That is why we will call him Jenn`s fucking lover in the old-fashioned manner (by the way, he was married).
Nevertheless, something was glimmering in Jenn’s eyes when I was with her, some light sparkling, something unsaid remaining in her eyes. At least, so it seemed to me.
On the designated supervision day, I shaved most thoroughly and brought myself into tip-top shape. I flew, not walked, down the hall into her office, hoping that Jenn was also impatiently awaiting my arrival.
“This is unfair, Jenn. You know quite a lot about me—what family I am from, what background. You also know that I got divorced two years ago. Yet you never say anything about yourself. Seems like a one-way game,” I reproached her once.
There was an ounce of truth in these words. Jenn obviously had some interest in me; during our supervisions we dedicated more time to subjects which had nothing to do with psychotherapy.
However, she still remained for me the sun shining over perpetual frost. In all honesty, our relationship in time became less strained. In her office alone with me, Jenn threw off her “religious” hat with ease.
I appreciated this uninhibited gesture of trust; however, things did not go beyond the hat. I remained her secret intern-admirer, just like the ones who came before me, and surely will come after.
I understood from her phone conversations and certain short comments that she is long ago divorced from her husband, but a relationship dealing with the kids and finances still exists between them. Her son recently finished school and is studying in college. Her older daughter is married and working as an accountant. Also, Jenn was a member of a Jewish charitable organization helping the victims of the Holocaust. This is all I knew about her. Oh yes, there’s also this son of a gun Doctor Baron.